I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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