Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
