Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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