Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
