well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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