I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
