i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
