Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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