it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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