I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Your penis caused this!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
