Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
