I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
