Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
