I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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