Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
