I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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