I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
