i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
