he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
