Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize