just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
two words...techno handjob
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
