so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
