By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
