Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
