HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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