Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
