I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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