i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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