Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
