So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
