Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Never underestimate the power of titties
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