i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
