I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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