Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize