There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
