Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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