Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
