I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
