She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
