When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
