I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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