I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
