He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
