Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
