i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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