Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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