You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
