Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
