Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
