??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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