Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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