I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
