U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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