hotel room ftw
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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