So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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