Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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