so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
