I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
