i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
