I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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