Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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