I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
