Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
