Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
