I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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