How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
