He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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