is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
