Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
