Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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