kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
