hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
