sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
