There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
