he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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