i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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