My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
