You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
two words: eviction party
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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