the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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