This is not my ceiling
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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