why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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