just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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