hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
