remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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