He uses pillows to masturbate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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