Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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