Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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