cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
