grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
