Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
