Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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