Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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