I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
