hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
