he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
