Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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