The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
