I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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