i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
