oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The Olympian is in my bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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