haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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