Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
