Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
