If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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