East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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