Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
