My room smells like vodka and shame
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
