my mouth tastes like poor choices
you would pick up someone in the library
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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